The Bad Girls Bible - Sex, Relationships, Dating, Love & Marriage Advice

Sean Jameson

カテゴリー：Health & Fitness

2024年04月15日

#48 How Trauma Affects Your Romantic Relationships With Esin Pinarli, LCSW MCAP

What if your past didn’t have to dictate your future?

Esin Pinarli is a human behavior specialist offering psychotherapy to couples, using the Imago and Gottman methods in conjunction with emotional-focused therapy. She joins us to share her perspective on the deep-rooted beliefs behind our actions and reactions within the context of relationships.

We touch on how trauma affects us all, and common actions that trigger a trauma response within relationships. Tune in to hear how the support of a therapist can help everyone to unpack the experiences behind their trauma, how the four attachment styles impact our relationships, and how the pandemic has changed the way in which we relate to one another.

Esin also explains the role of our nervous system in creating connection and attachment, common reasons why couples become dissatisfied with their sex lives, and much more.

Key Points From This Episode:

•    An introduction to Esin Pinarli’s counseling practice.

•    Unpacking the buzzword, ‘trauma’, and how it affects all of us.

•    Common actions that trigger a trauma response.

•    The role of negativity bias.

•    Advice for those seeking to address their trauma.

•    How a therapist can support people as they unpack the experiences behind their trauma.

•    The four attachment styles and how they impact our relationships.

•    What the collective trauma of the pandemic has done to the state of attachment.

•    Differentiating between introversion and the avoidant personality type.

•    How codependency fits into attachment styles.

•    Your nervous system’s role in creating connection and attachment.

•    Why couples become dissatisfied with their sex lives.

•    What effective communication might look like.

•    Cultivating ‘the space between’ where intimacy exists within relationships.

•    Simple solutions for the process addiction that comes from porn usage.

Quotes:

“People always think they have to qualify for trauma. Everybody has had a certain level of embedded trauma.” — Esin Pinarli [0:02:41]

“We should always be doing the work. There are just so many things in our subconscious that we are not aware of.” — Esin Pinarli [0:10:33]

“A therapist is somebody who will help you to make sense of what’s inside of you, and to untangle and unprocess that trauma so that it doesn’t dictate your future.” — Esin Pinarli [0:11:37]

“If you don’t have enough rupture and repair, you always end up feeling disconnected from your partner.” — Esin Pinarli [0:42:15]

“Not only do we have a dance with our romantic partners, a cadence and a rhythm, but there’s a space between us that is where the intimacy is.” — Esin Pinarli [0:43:13]

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Esin Pinarli on Instagram — https://www.instagram.com/esinpinarli_lcsw/

Esin Pinarli on LinkedIn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/esin-pinarli-73ab1722/

Eternal Wellness Counseling — https://www.eternalwellnesscounseling.com/

Codependent No More — https://www.amazon.com/Melody-Beattie-Codependent-Controlling-Yourself/dp/B004R125R4/

Bad Girls Bible Sex Tips Newsletter — https://badgirlsbible.com/newsletter

Other Episodes You Might Enjoy:

#31 How To Fix A Sexless Marriage & Reignite Fiery Passion with Laurie Watson
https://badgirlsbible.com/31-how-to-fix-a-sexless-marriage-reignite-fiery-passion-with-laurie-watson

#34 The Secret To Reaching Orgasm During Sex with Laurie Mintz, Ph.D.
https://badgirlsbible.com/34-the-secret-to-reaching-orgasm-during-sex-with-laurie-mintz-ph-d

#29 Experience Squirting Orgasms with Female Orgasm Expert, Jason Julius
https://badgirlsbible.com/29-squirting-orgasms-real-foreplay-and-how-guys-can-last-longer-with-female-ejaculation-expert-jason-julius

2019年05月13日

#47 How To Have Sex Every Day with Caitlin & Michael Doemner

Today on the podcast we welcome Caitlin and Michael Doemner, authors of Sex Every Day, who are sharing with us some hands-on tips for enjoying sexual intimacy on a daily basis, regardless of busy schedules, kids and periods.

They talk about their three-step strategy for practicing frequent intimacy, including how you can communicate your sexual desires in a fun way and what you can do to ensure that both you and your partner are always satisfied. Before you think all of this is unattainable for you as a parent of young kids, hang on a minute! They have four kids of their own and advise you on overcoming the logistics of having regular sex with a house full of small children.

Key Points From This Episode

• The interesting story of how Caitlin and Michael got together.
• Why sleeping naked is such a natural and effective way to restore intimacy in a relationship.
• How the menu metaphor can be used to communicate and express sexual needs.
• The importance of being open to both give and receive.
• What you can do to maintain intimacy with your partner throughout the day.
• A quick review of the five love languages and what they each entail.
• Why it is important for couples to prioritize a woman’s pleasure.
• What couples with kids can practically do to preserve their intimacy and privacy.
• Why a period should not be stopping you from giving and receiving uninterrupted pleasure.
• And much more!

Tweetables

“It's really hard to be angry with somebody when you're laying full body contact naked with them and in bed.” [0:04:49]

“The intimacy and the passion, it doesn’t have to be intercourse …there's a lot of different ways that we can please our partners.” [0:19:45]

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode

Bad Girls Bible Newsletter — https://badgirlsbible.com/newsletter

Sex Every Day: How to Prioritize Pleasure in your Marriage — http://www.lulu.com/shop/michael-and-caitlin-doemner/sex-every-day-how-to-prioritize-pleasure-in-your-marriage/hardcover/product-23974387.html

The Five Love Languages on Amazon — https://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts/dp/080241270X

Pussy: A Reclamation on Amazon — https://www.amazon.com/Pussy-Reclamation-Regena-Thomashauer/dp/1401950264/ref=sr_1_fkmrnull_1?keywords=pussy%3A+a+reclamation&qid=1555401985&s=books&sr=1-1-fkmrnull

Sex Every Day Website — https://www.sexeverydaybook.com/homepage25989259

Sex Every Day on Facebook — https://www.facebook.com/QuotidianCoitus/

2019年05月06日

#46 BDSM 101: No 50 Shades of Grey B******t with Dan and Dawn

On the show today we welcome Dan and Dawn Williams, master-slave couple, kink enthusiasts podcast hosts and authors of the new book Living M/S! Our guests unpack their own experiences of discovering their submissive and dominant sides and how they found each other and each other's limits.

They explain some basics about the master-slave dynamic and how it fits into the broader world of BDSM and kink play. They explain the important role of trust and the things that are pivotal in making a relationship like theirs work. We talk a bit about the events, parties and activities which they enjoy and Dan and Dawn are so open and honest, explaining the erotic nature of their lives.

The conversation also covers, shame, abusive relationships and how sharing stories, using cards and watching porn can help certain couples.

Key Points From This Episode

• Dan and Dawn's awakening to their dominant and submissive sides.
• A little bit about how their master-salve relationship works.
• Earning trust and taking responsibility for mistakes. 
• Contrasting Dawns and Dan's average day with other relationships.
• Parties, dungeons and the BDSM play that the couple enjoy.
• The parts of play that each of them engage with.
• Considering the erotic and non-erotic elements of play.
• Some of the issues of shame related to submission. 
• Comparing a sub-dom relationship with an abusive relationship.
• The helpful act of sharing naughty stories and porn. 
• And much more!

Tweetables

“In our case, it happens to be a male led relationship where I happen to be in charge. What that means is that I take responsibility for everything in the relationship.” [0:03:45]

“If something needs to be addressed, it’s addressed head on instead of sideways. It’s a very authentic relationship where we’ve decided, what do we want this relationship to be.” [0:11:05]

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode

Bad Girls Bible Newsletter — https://badgirlsbible.com/newsletter

Erotic Awakening Podcast — http://www.eroticawakening.com

Dan and Dawn Email — dananddawn@eroticawakening.com.

Living MS — https://www.amazon.com/Living-Masters-slaves-Their-Relationships/dp/1610981952/

The Kink Starter — http://www.eroticawakening.com/kinkstarter/

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